Tag: blog

Learning to be Frustrated.

On By ogtitleproIn InspirationLeave a comment

So I am going with the idea of just get the writing started, and everything else can come along later. Which may be an ok process, but I am not sure because basically everything is a test pilot right now. So my practice is to set goals and achieve them through action. I have historically just kind of charged in and gotten started, and then somewhere along the way it’s been like oh, now I need to do X, and now I need Y equipment, and let’s move the goalpost to Z. And that has been overall a practice that has worked out fairly well for me.

So when I decided to do this blog, my brain started whirling around in circles. The ultimate goal of the blog initially was to generate a side income that I can do and earn from until I’m dead. I don’t think there will come a time for me when I don’t WANT to work. There may come a time where I become too ill or old to work, or don’t have to work, but I don’t know that there will come a day – like 65 say, where I will think ok, put down the pencil and the calculator, today was your last day at work. Ever. I guess anything is possible – but even if I were a millionaire, I would still need to do something every day to ground my sense of purpose to this world.

Seeing as how I am not a millionaire, however, the blog earning some money – not millions, just enough to pay for things like insurance, utilities, groceries and gasoline is sufficient. I will work my current job until I have my financial goals met, which is about 3 years away, but then I want to do something else. Something that I enjoy, but still brings in an income.

So my brain started whirling and testing possibilities, and what usually happens is that I get so overwhelmed with possibilities that I never get anything started. So I decided to make some goals- make one post a day and design one aspect of my page a day. Figure out how the blog makes money later. Just start doing something now.

And that turned out to be a lot more frustrating than I thought it would. Learning new things seems to be much harder for me now than it used to be. But I worked through it, broke it down into chunks, and made a logo and a site logo. I have no idea what my blog looks like now, I’m sure it’s some ridiculously mis-matched and incoherent looking mess, but the logo and the header are started, if not exactly what I want them to be for all time.

Lending thought to how I will make the page make money is a whole different thing. I thought to myself I will either have a page dedicated to just providing revenue, or a page dedicated to something I am passionate about. But I didn’t want to straddle the fence. So if I decide to go with something I’m passionate about, that’s good. It may not make loads of cash, but if I love it, what’s the issue? The first problem with that is that I really don’t know what I’m actually passionate about. And the second is how can you really come across as genuine to people when you are pumping them for sales? Ew. I have a neighbor who does that constantly and I can tell you – it’s not a pleasant vibe. You think she’s coming to say hi, but she’s really trying to sign you up for something so she can get referrals and it’s super icky. So icky that sometimes I pretend I don’t see her and go fast the other way. I want you guys to see me. And NOT run away. But what kind of post is that? “I lost 35 pounds and I owe it all to having Snacky Crackers for breakfast! And the best part is that YOU CAN TOO! Click the link below” So gross. And I’m not saying ad revenue is gross – I’m saying lying to gain it is.

But if I went in for just making ad revenue – Snacky Crackers will get sold, and if it damns my soul at least I’ll be able to pay for my casket and plot. But do I sell Snacky Crackers, or HamsterPants, or what? You know? When my head goes to revenue, I get all confused and the worst part is that I THINK I have a good head for what sells and what people will like, but at the end of the day I am invariably wrong. Like Partylite Candles. I went in for that when everyone else was selling LuLaRoe and making millions. Legit millions, and I was paying Partylite hundreds of dollars for a “starter kit” of tin lip gloss containers full of wax. Oh, and pro tip – they all melt when you leave the kit in your car on a 115 degree Oklahoma summer day. And you lose all your money and never sell a single candle. But by golly, I had friends selling hideous pajama pants out of their garages and they were raking it in. So my business head is no good. I’m the girl who would swear to you that BetaMax was going to be the winner.

So I guess I’m just typing my one post a day, learning to sit in my frustration without it wrecking my day, and trying to learn new things. And that is my post for the day. Now it’s back to the real job that pays the bills.

Moving In

On By ogtitleproIn InspirationLeave a comment

I’m not sure what I’m doing here. I’m not sure what I’m doing most days, in general, but I am specifically not sure what I am doing here, in a blog – MY blog – that I bought and paid for for three years. I guess we will see how it turns out. So I was stumped for what to write at the start. I was overwhelmed with options – what kind of blog, what topics, all of the things. So I decided to just treat it like moving into a new house – you just start the process, allow it to be disorganized and messy, and worry about the details later.

So I decided to do this new thing, this blog. My Chat GPT offered it as an option when I was ruminating on what to do after I had taken my current job to the limit. I am a Landman, and it really has nothing to do with what you see on the show – it’s a lot less exciting, I sit at my computer all day and read and do math. Boring math. And boring reading. But it pays well, and I like it – which is more than a lot of people can say about their jobs. And I’m good at it, which is nice because that means I don’t get bitched at too much.

The “limit” on my job can be any number of things. The industry could bite the dust, which is called a “bust”, or I could get injured, or sick, or something. Not injured at work, unless “mouse thumb” is a real thing. I’m a contractor, which means no retirement, no health insurance, no unemployment, no employee protections, no employer paid taxes. Just a girl and her brain against the world.

I didn’t really think that I had any content worth writing about, and maybe I don’t. I’m a mom, but my kids are grown up and out of the house and they are both living out of state, so I’m not a good voice for mom content. As I said I’m a contractor and work from home so I don’t have any corporate work drama content. I don’t date. I barely go out with friends. I don’t even go grocery shopping – Walmart brings it all to my door. My life is very internal, I am focusing on improving myself and my life one thing at a time. My body, my health, my finances, my interests, my credit, my mentality. So I thought to myself I can’t possibly be the only person on the planet who is single, and just working hard on themselves. There have to be more people out there like me, just working hard on themselves.

So about this time in 2023, I was 47, overweight, a smoker, drinker and compulsive gambler. And I was tired of being fat, angry, wheezy and and broke. At the time, I didn’t know what I know now – which is that yes, maybe some special people can wake up and “turn over a new leaf” and take all the bad habits and break them all at once. And I used to think I was that person, that “all or nothing” perfectionist type who someday would be able to wake up like they do in the movies, go to the gym, square my whole life away, maybe go to a few tastefully depicted recovery meetings and then meet the love of my life and we would ride off into the sunset together. But man I was tired. I was so tired- mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually tired. And if you are about to stop reading because you think I am about to tell you how I got Jesus and it all got better, don’t check out just yet because that is not how it happened for me. So far, anyway. And I was tired. So I picked the one “worst” thing that I felt was having the most negative impact on my life, and I decided to just start with that.

So instead of getting Jesus, or recovery, I got a pair of kitchen scissors. On the phone with my best friend at the time, I decided to stop gambling. I had decided to stop gambling about 200 times before, and I always ended up going back. I felt like in order to really stop, I needed to stop having access to any of my cash money. Which meant cutting off my cash delivery system. My bank was out of town, so my access to my cash was limited to my debit cards. So I took pictures of them, front and back, loaded them into my phone, and then cut them up into small pieces.

Something I know now that I didn’t know then, is that you can always get your fix if you try hard enough. And if you’re really ready to let something go, most of that shit is just symbolic anyway. Maybe not even that. Cutting up cards, pouring liquor down drains and flushing dope down the john, none of that will stop you if you are intent on keeping your harmful behavior. And the opposite is true – if you are truly intent on stopping something, nothing will keep you from stopping it. But at the time, I needed that symbolism, so I cut up the cards and never looked back.

So I stopped gambling. And a year later I stopped drinking. And 6 months after that I started a weight loss journey and last Tuesday I quit smoking. Now I don’t gamble, I’m mostly a non-drinker (I do occasionally have a drink – I just don’t drink every weekend anymore), I have lost 35 pounds, I exercise every day, and I am a non-smoker. I lift weights, do Pilates, do cardio, and focus my thoughts and mind of improving what I can day to day. I’m not stressed, I’m happy to be alive and happy to be in my body now, and my bank account is happy too. And it may be a boring story to all of you, but I have to believe that there are more of you out there with me – single people who have decided to just make one simple change, just one – and are now on the road to living an achievement based life.

I hope to be able to offer posts about that products that have either helped me achieve whatever my goal is right now, or items I rewarded myself with for hitting goals, or just stuff that makes my “Single Girl with Pug” life better. I promise not to glaze products, or to lie, or to post things I know are not factual. It will just be my authentic self living my authentic life, and offering my honest opinion.