I’m not sure what I’m doing here. I’m not sure what I’m doing most days, in general, but I am specifically not sure what I am doing here, in a blog – MY blog – that I bought and paid for for three years. I guess we will see how it turns out. So I was stumped for what to write at the start. I was overwhelmed with options – what kind of blog, what topics, all of the things. So I decided to just treat it like moving into a new house – you just start the process, allow it to be disorganized and messy, and worry about the details later.

So I decided to do this new thing, this blog. My Chat GPT offered it as an option when I was ruminating on what to do after I had taken my current job to the limit. I am a Landman, and it really has nothing to do with what you see on the show – it’s a lot less exciting, I sit at my computer all day and read and do math. Boring math. And boring reading. But it pays well, and I like it – which is more than a lot of people can say about their jobs. And I’m good at it, which is nice because that means I don’t get bitched at too much.

The “limit” on my job can be any number of things. The industry could bite the dust, which is called a “bust”, or I could get injured, or sick, or something. Not injured at work, unless “mouse thumb” is a real thing. I’m a contractor, which means no retirement, no health insurance, no unemployment, no employee protections, no employer paid taxes. Just a girl and her brain against the world.

I didn’t really think that I had any content worth writing about, and maybe I don’t. I’m a mom, but my kids are grown up and out of the house and they are both living out of state, so I’m not a good voice for mom content. As I said I’m a contractor and work from home so I don’t have any corporate work drama content. I don’t date. I barely go out with friends. I don’t even go grocery shopping – Walmart brings it all to my door. My life is very internal, I am focusing on improving myself and my life one thing at a time. My body, my health, my finances, my interests, my credit, my mentality. So I thought to myself I can’t possibly be the only person on the planet who is single, and just working hard on themselves. There have to be more people out there like me, just working hard on themselves.

So about this time in 2023, I was 47, overweight, a smoker, drinker and compulsive gambler. And I was tired of being fat, angry, wheezy and and broke. At the time, I didn’t know what I know now – which is that yes, maybe some special people can wake up and “turn over a new leaf” and take all the bad habits and break them all at once. And I used to think I was that person, that “all or nothing” perfectionist type who someday would be able to wake up like they do in the movies, go to the gym, square my whole life away, maybe go to a few tastefully depicted recovery meetings and then meet the love of my life and we would ride off into the sunset together. But man I was tired. I was so tired- mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually tired. And if you are about to stop reading because you think I am about to tell you how I got Jesus and it all got better, don’t check out just yet because that is not how it happened for me. So far, anyway. And I was tired. So I picked the one “worst” thing that I felt was having the most negative impact on my life, and I decided to just start with that.

So instead of getting Jesus, or recovery, I got a pair of kitchen scissors. On the phone with my best friend at the time, I decided to stop gambling. I had decided to stop gambling about 200 times before, and I always ended up going back. I felt like in order to really stop, I needed to stop having access to any of my cash money. Which meant cutting off my cash delivery system. My bank was out of town, so my access to my cash was limited to my debit cards. So I took pictures of them, front and back, loaded them into my phone, and then cut them up into small pieces.

Something I know now that I didn’t know then, is that you can always get your fix if you try hard enough. And if you’re really ready to let something go, most of that shit is just symbolic anyway. Maybe not even that. Cutting up cards, pouring liquor down drains and flushing dope down the john, none of that will stop you if you are intent on keeping your harmful behavior. And the opposite is true – if you are truly intent on stopping something, nothing will keep you from stopping it. But at the time, I needed that symbolism, so I cut up the cards and never looked back.

So I stopped gambling. And a year later I stopped drinking. And 6 months after that I started a weight loss journey and last Tuesday I quit smoking. Now I don’t gamble, I’m mostly a non-drinker (I do occasionally have a drink – I just don’t drink every weekend anymore), I have lost 35 pounds, I exercise every day, and I am a non-smoker. I lift weights, do Pilates, do cardio, and focus my thoughts and mind of improving what I can day to day. I’m not stressed, I’m happy to be alive and happy to be in my body now, and my bank account is happy too. And it may be a boring story to all of you, but I have to believe that there are more of you out there with me – single people who have decided to just make one simple change, just one – and are now on the road to living an achievement based life.

I hope to be able to offer posts about that products that have either helped me achieve whatever my goal is right now, or items I rewarded myself with for hitting goals, or just stuff that makes my “Single Girl with Pug” life better. I promise not to glaze products, or to lie, or to post things I know are not factual. It will just be my authentic self living my authentic life, and offering my honest opinion.